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hello, chanwanting♥ here. 22yo this year. a gal who is trying hard to change herself to get a better life..


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Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.

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Friday, October 11, 2013
the most special friendship ever...

was hoping you can feel more loved, like me, especially when i bothered cheering you and asking you out. 
i want you to be comfortable around me,
i want us to be the best-est friend.
because i cant imagine what will happen after you get a gf,
because i cant imagine the future that we might drift apart from each other. 
but still, because i am not your gf, what i can do is so limited. 

i dont want to misunderstand or misinterpret your words and actions,
you have been changing the past few years,
but is it only to me? or do you do it to every single friends?
i hesitate. because no matter how many times i try last time,
i always fail, dead in your hands, squashed. 
but we always take it as a joke, 
and i will never get to know your true feelings.
maybe one day, when you want to, and willing to, 
please tell me.

this week we met twice, and i really treasure these memory.
7thoct2013 was the first time you sent me home personally.
super touched. just because it is you.
9thoct2013, you waited till 9pm to have dinner with me (and yc)
sorry to keep you waiting,
but you cant tell how happy i was to be able to invite you to join me.
unlike those days when u keep rejecting me. 
if i can change, do i still stand a chance?

dun keep pushing me away.
i'm a gal, yet i went ahead.
i took the initiative, i thought i could stand a chance.
it has been 6 years. 
now that i have gave up on the thought,
i still treasure this friendship. 
the most special friendship ever.

6 years and still counting..

Thursday, October 10, 2013
the deep black hole...

看来, 有可能又要跌进那无底洞了。
不要对我太好,我不是你的女朋友。
不要有一天你不在了,让我一个人流泪。
我不想一直依赖着你。

if this is what you want to do to me, please know your limit.
because you know how i feel, because you know how you feel.
that deep hole will be very difficult to climb out.
i've tried it, and i know very clearly that i dont want to do it again.

最怕回憶突然翻滾絞痛著不平息