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hello, chanwanting♥ here. 22yo this year. a gal who is trying hard to change herself to get a better life..


Exam Time Table




Bituwin - template
Dementee - image

Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.

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Tuesday, March 18, 2014
keep smiling (:

i like to pretend that everything's alright. because when everyone else thinks you're fine,
sometimes you forget for a while that you are not.


treat yourself good. because you're worth the praises.
never stay emo for too long, because no one is going to care.
smile at little things, learn to appreciate.
don't hurt others just because you're hurt.
learn to listen, advises do help sometimes.
love someone, fully, wholeheartedly.
love yourself.


be good, and someone will love you more than ever.

Monday, February 24, 2014
birthday wish: *** *** **** **

thank you girls. 10 years and counting.

i felt so so blessed. with so many sincere friends around me. they appear around me when i need them, they knows what i want. from the blood donation, to the fruit paradise tart, to hot vanilla and tiramisu with filling breakfast. 

we dont go for expensive stuff, but i feel very contented. very happy with my current life.without reasons, without excuses, wholeheartedly. 

Happy belated birthday to myself. 

Thursday, February 13, 2014
ihateyou

fifth month into work, yet i still cant get used to it.
how long will it take me to?

waking up every morning, convincing myself that one day i'll be happy.
because i have to be satisfied and contented that i got a job.
feeling shag everyday after work, mentally shag,
the fear that some mistakes will pop out somewhere,
some careless mistakes which are not suppose to exist.
why is it that others can do it and i cant.

‘习惯’ 需要多久?
如果一直迟迟不能习惯,那是否代表我不适合?
是自己固执,还是软弱。
看不到自己的优点的同时,缺点却一一的浮现,变得越来越明显。
不喜欢别人以为有靠山就不必担心。
自己犯的错,最终还是要自己承担不是吗?

明天又是一个孤独的情人节。。。我好讨厌你。

Monday, January 27, 2014
the process

sitting on the bus, on the way to work, staring out of the window,
realising how lonely life is sometimes.
wondering how's life at your side, didnt wanna disturb your busy days,
but so so wanted your attention, even it mean just half an hour.
the dilemma, the urge, the decision,
affects one another.
the reply, the tone, the way we speak,
affects one another.
but no matter what the end product is,
the main point is that we chat.
you never like initiative, suckiest thing ever.
the fear of losing you in my life, you are always the person i wanna meet the second before i die.
you wont understand how it feels, because it doesnt bother you.
every few days, i'll open it, hoping to find some new surprises,
to convince myself that i still exist, somewhere in your brain.
because you know it well, what i am looking for, what i want.

slowly, time shows who are the true friends, who are just... friends.
hopefully things get clear, and so are the purposes and goals.

i have a friend, she's always there with me almost every sunday morning.
she runs with me, she explores with me, she plays with me.
Thank you girl.

Friday, October 11, 2013
the most special friendship ever...

was hoping you can feel more loved, like me, especially when i bothered cheering you and asking you out. 
i want you to be comfortable around me,
i want us to be the best-est friend.
because i cant imagine what will happen after you get a gf,
because i cant imagine the future that we might drift apart from each other. 
but still, because i am not your gf, what i can do is so limited. 

i dont want to misunderstand or misinterpret your words and actions,
you have been changing the past few years,
but is it only to me? or do you do it to every single friends?
i hesitate. because no matter how many times i try last time,
i always fail, dead in your hands, squashed. 
but we always take it as a joke, 
and i will never get to know your true feelings.
maybe one day, when you want to, and willing to, 
please tell me.

this week we met twice, and i really treasure these memory.
7thoct2013 was the first time you sent me home personally.
super touched. just because it is you.
9thoct2013, you waited till 9pm to have dinner with me (and yc)
sorry to keep you waiting,
but you cant tell how happy i was to be able to invite you to join me.
unlike those days when u keep rejecting me. 
if i can change, do i still stand a chance?

dun keep pushing me away.
i'm a gal, yet i went ahead.
i took the initiative, i thought i could stand a chance.
it has been 6 years. 
now that i have gave up on the thought,
i still treasure this friendship. 
the most special friendship ever.

6 years and still counting..

Thursday, October 10, 2013
the deep black hole...

看来, 有可能又要跌进那无底洞了。
不要对我太好,我不是你的女朋友。
不要有一天你不在了,让我一个人流泪。
我不想一直依赖着你。

if this is what you want to do to me, please know your limit.
because you know how i feel, because you know how you feel.
that deep hole will be very difficult to climb out.
i've tried it, and i know very clearly that i dont want to do it again.

最怕回憶突然翻滾絞痛著不平息

Monday, September 2, 2013
下辈子我要做男的

next life, i wanna be a guy

a guy who is not forced to do housework or cook, but i'll learn and do willingly
because it should be an interest, a happiness, not a chore.
a guy who doesnt need to worry about his family cos he has a sister to cover everything for him, but i'll do it willingly,
because it should be a family bonding, not an obligation.
a guy who can step in and out of the house with lots of freedom and no questioning, but i'll share my activities and whereabout willingly,
because fun things are meant to be share, not criminal reporting his plans.
a guy who can come home any time he wants without getting phonecalls of questions, but even if i do, i'll give a call or tell in advance,
because it all belongs to trust and care, not tracking a kid down like she is only 10yo.





... i burnt a pot...

... who are you asking me to marry to? you?...

... please, dun keep trying to spend money on me...

... are u enjoying lfe with your gf?...