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hello, chanwanting♥ here. 22yo this year. a gal who is trying hard to change herself to get a better life..


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Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.

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Tuesday, September 2, 2008
am i actually at fault?


i want the peace we used to have.

i want the freedom he is given.

i want the trust which belongs to me.

i want the laughters i used to hear.


i want the joy we used to share.


i want the time we used to spend.

i want the warmth i used to feel.

i want the past we used to have.

i want the concern we used to give.
if only, all the smiles and laughters i get aint from my friends, maybe i wouldn't be feeling that bad. the sense of lonlieness some very obviously whenever i step home, alone. so what if i have all the family members at home. it makes no different. life goes on, with me in my room, chatting with my friends, playing games continuously. i felt nothing, but empty. the pressure, pressing hard on me. it seems like i am just a burden, which no one wants to care. even him. yea, dump me if u all want, for all i care. if i cant survive alone outside, then let me die, if this is what you all want. no one is to be blame, because everyone is at fault. grandpa, grandma, dad, mum, bros and even i myself. maybe, you all dont realise what is going wrong. but by looking at the chaos at home, even stupid people know this family isn't really a family at all. family, is just a name for all of us. i had nothing much i can say, because i dont think i even have the right to open my mouth and speak for myself. till now, i am so tired, i dont even feel like speaking. yea, malign. i heck. i cant be bothered anymore. come with evidence, or dont blame me being atrocious. who knows, i might just grab a penknife and kill myself one day, without any of you noticing, making all of you feel guilty for life. i had enough.
i think i only need them, or maybe just him.
<3,>