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hello, chanwanting♥ here. 22yo this year. a gal who is trying hard to change herself to get a better life..


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Sunday, October 11, 2009

10/10/2009

redhill for mentoring.
home for nap.
jurong east for bro's tuition.
aljunied for language sale.
queensway for mum.
jurong east for bro.
sunset way for cold storage.
home for grandparents.
loyang for praying.
changi for dinner.
east coast park for wind.
home for slp...

11/10/2009
the one, who scolded child for leaving bones in his bowl in the sink, left his bowl on the dining table.
the one, who scolded grandchild for eating only half full early in the morning when he see only breads are available for him, shows ugly face and gives nasty comments when see food she doesnt like.

i seriouly dont know what the fuck is going on in this family these days. and i dont think i wanna really bother. i might just go on working in cheers and stay in school after lessons just to do tutorials. why give a damn when no one is changing for the sake of this family. giving empty promises, showing attitudes, not admiting mistakes.

i am hoping so much for it. really. just a short sms, or a offline msg is enough to solve everything. but i doubt u'll even care. leaving things going on because you'll think that everything will be fine like last time when i'll give in once again and start a convo with you. i was surprised, you actually push the blame back to me that night after 24 hours. okay, maybe to you, i'm the one at fault. but at my part, i'm only informing you as a fren. yea, your reaction is natural. aint mine too?! why is it that you must think that i'm using that tone and it actually offended you so much?! i didnt even mean that. i totally give up you know. no more the me who will always soften and feel guilty after a while just because i myself also push the blame back to me. let's see how things go.

i dreamt that you actually sent me an sms that night.. and i was so freaking happy. but i woke up, fucking sad. cos it was just a dream. and i think i wouldnt mind that much anymore. because i cant even rmb the content in that sms. what does it mean? i'm giving up? on the way to?

Chan Wan Ting, is no longer the girl you know. because i have changed so much during this holiday, you'll see a different me in no time. the laughter is decreasing, but the sadness too. the emotionless, cold Wan Ting. There is only studies in my world, and also some important friends. no more emotional problems on the 'him'-s. no more emotional problems on my family. no more financial problem because of too much spending.

<3