it's holiday!!
(yaya, i know i a bit wols.)
gonna spend my time wisely

was it my imagination?
i hope so.

life has been rather messy at home.
there are times of happiness.
and times of anger.
but we are a family after all.
moments of love and hatred.

however, there are times where u cant approach family.
when you are in need of help.
in the pain of relationships.
in the pain of friendships.
in the pain of kinship (especially).
next choice?
darling? sweetheart? ai ren?
close frens? frens?
i dont know.
it depends i suppose?
but who knows,
unable to confront anyone,
those silent tears rolling at night.
down the face, wetting the pillow and drying up by the next morning.
the tears-stained face, tears too invisible to be seen by anyone.
the tight fist, grabbing on so tight to hold the scream in the throat.
can you tell me, who am i suppose to approach.

sometimes i wish i am a guy.
getting the same amount of freedom as him.
getting the same trust from parents.
allowing more decisions made by myself.
it's always wrong to get jealous, to be filled with envy.
but c'mon, it's always done in such an obvious way.
am i suppose to act blind?
am i suppose to accept that fact?
even if it's just one day, i can walk out and say "i'm going out for a while"
without being questioned, i'll be so pleased.
dont say i dont know how to appreciate their love and care and concern.
because if i dont, i wont be answering them nicely everytime,
i wont be that calm everytime i get questioned,
i will be screaming at them and showing attitude.
just because i understand,
all i do is to nag nag nag on this damn blog of mine and to a few friends.
but i still dont understand, how did that unfair-ness even arise??

on-going plans:
14th march- smu event/ someone's birthday
17th march- cheers gathering
23rd march- someone's birthday
30th march- someone's birthday
17th april- mentoring HOC

please rmb how much i love you.

<3

10:51 PM ·