dreams

woke up almost every hour in the night.
feeling so tired.
couldnt get back to sleep,
especially because of those dreams i had.
specifically remembered two.
one was with my poly friends.
and one was with you.

we got back together.
but the "weird feeling" which i always cant get used to last time,
is totally gone this time in the dream.
i know it's completely wrong.
because in the dream,
you broke up with her because of me.
i know it wont happen in reality.
because i think we dont love each other anymore.
did i even love you enough last time?
i dont think so.
the long, tight hug in the dream,
the interlocking of fingers,
the way i laugh at you in front of another guy,
but you never fail to give in every single time after i say sorry and pull you back,
your arm is there for me to hug when i want to slp.
i didnt know it can feel so real in a dream.
i dont know why i had it.
is it because of the question you asked me that day?
is it because little jriel has been holding my hand with fingers interlock yesterday?
is it because i regret never putting just even a little more effort into our relationship last time?
i dont know.
and i doubt i'll know.
no matter what,
thank you for everything. (:

<3

6:43 AM ·