wishes will never come true..

i didnt know i will feel this way
i hope it was a misunderstanding.
i dont wish to find out the truth.
crying alone in the shower,
under the cold water,
i could feel my warm tears.
falling onto the ground beneath the water.
squating and crying out hard.
using the water sound to cover over my weeping sound.

in the bus,
ur reply really triggered my tears.
if you realised it,
how come you didnt mention it.
did you lie on purpose?
or was it that i malign you and you were speaking the truth.
if you think that lying will make me feel better,
den i'm sorry,
but i really fucking hate it.
i did something so wrong,
i should have keep looking out of the window.
two bus journeys,
completely different feelings.
the only same ones were disappointment and emptiness.

yea, maybe i am timid,
all i did was to run away.
to avoid meetings,
to avoid facing you.
maybe i shouldnt even interfere too much.
because it is you,
and not me.

great, i dreamt of that situation continuing,
i dreamt that i almost died.
i dreamt how much i hated you two for your lie.
i dreamt that the fucking me only ran away from the facts instead of asking for the truth.
i dreamt that i will never want to face you again.
i dreamt that i purposely put my life to risk, even if it meant death.
i dreamt that, i wanted to die....

i didnt know i am such a failure,
as a person,
as a friend,
as a girlfriend,
as a granddaughter,
as a daughter.

i hate being so emotional,
irritating people at the same time.
if life allows,
i hope i didnt end up in this world.
at least for this moment.
because i am so lost
and i dont know who to face...

<3

10:49 AM ·