silence tears

yes, shagged... mentally.

这精神上的战争，我不知道能支撑多久。
如果你们大人们都无法忍耐，
那我们又要怎样才不会被牵扯进去？

it's how weird that we kids are always scolded because of our harsh and rude tone,
but you adults are always using it for one another.
cold war, black face, slam things, badmouth behind one another.
of course, those who dont face it, you are free from this torture.

when you badmouth about her, being bias for waking me up to help,
did you realise, you woke me up just to drive you to the market?
when you badmouth about her, leaving things done halfway,
did you realise, you always leave the cupboard open after eating your med?
when you badmouth about her, being tired just because a few small chores,
did you realise, you are also always tired when you are back from work?
when you badmouth about her, pushing all the blame to her when you realise she's not happy with your son, did you realise, your son's attitude isnt as good either?
BUT ALL YOU HAVE IN YOUR EYES ARE THEM! THOSE SONS AND GRANDSONS OF YOU WHO SEEMS TO BE SO PERFECT!
true, you care for me, you buy things for me.. but sometimes it just simply makes me wonder, is it because you are guilty of everything you have done? for venting your damn anger on me when you are unhappy.

sometimes, i wonder if anyone can read my mood. do anyone even care about my mood. i suppose not much people can tell when am i unhappy. i used to be like an open book, being harsh when i'm unhappy, being cheerful when i'm happy. i thought that will hurt people, so now i chose to cover up, turning those unhappiness to happiness with all my might. i realised how much i have hurt myself. but for the sake of the people around me, i kept the smile on my face. but who appreciated? who bother noticing my change? i am not going to find excuses when i find mistake, i'm not the kind who sweettalk people, i'm just trying to be honest with people. i admit my mistake, i try my best to solve it, i apologise sincerely.
but now, all i hope for, is to get acknowledgement, of my existence. just a little encouragement from anyone who reads this is enough to push me on. be mean, be harsh, but please, be real to me too.
i dont want to look or sound fake in front of anyone.
because i can't afford to loss the trust in anyone.

sometimes i really hope that tears can clear all the helplessness. 

<3

11:48 PM ·