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Bituwin -
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Dementee -
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Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.
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Friday, April 30, 2010
wrecked.
To her:
Just as i chose to face you and continue helping you with the housework,
you chose to run away and maintain your "queen" position.
if you know how to quieten down,
if you know how to speak properly,
if you know how to just lower your tone by that tiny little bit,
everything will be fine.
everyone have their temper,
not only you.
if you can start shouting at me because of an misunderstanding,
why cant i shout back to get my reasons heard?
and if you think you can maintain your arrogant posture,
go ahead,
because only your nice sons/ daughter and your GREAT husband will stand by you.
oh yea, and maybe your beloved, excellence in everything grand-daughter will stay with you too~
for i dont give a damn..
and i am not going to apologise.
how much risk can i take?
how long have i tolerate?
i am 19 yo.
not the 12 yo kid u used to control.
since you can point out the mistake yourself
why cant you change yourself?!
since you know where are ur bad points
why dont you rectify them yourself?!
why must you even point out that you can spot your own problem and still argue that you are not wrong?!
is there such thing as 'fairness' in you?
i really don't understand.
but forget it,
i dont want to understand anyway.
i had enough,
wasting tears on a person who doesnt change.
to all my friends in school, especially nicolette and elisse and grace:
i know my attitude has been very bad recently.
i am very sorry.
that's why i chose to leave during break,
to break off the awkwardness,
to find time to reflect.
hanging on for so long,
i end up still shouting back.
i just wanted myself to be heard too.
but she refuse to listen.
and she and i ended up quarrelling.
if my emotionals will affect you all,
stay away from me.
for i wont and i can't blame anyone,
that it's my own fault for being unable to control myself.
i believe there is no point again,
ranting to all of you,
because even i find myself so irritating and a nuisance now.
like a weakling who only knows how to cry and throw temper.
i am sorry, sincerely.
to darling and him:
thanks for being there for me.
there is too much which i need to say, and i know i dont hv to blog it here.
and i need to say sorry too,
for my mood swing,
for my nonsense.
thank you for trying to cheer me up too.
i know i need you people's help.
but i chose to stand up on my own.
for this is a family problem,
which no one can help to resolve.
<3
Just as i chose to face you and continue helping you with the housework,
you chose to run away and maintain your "queen" position.
if you know how to quieten down,
if you know how to speak properly,
if you know how to just lower your tone by that tiny little bit,
everything will be fine.
everyone have their temper,
not only you.
if you can start shouting at me because of an misunderstanding,
why cant i shout back to get my reasons heard?
and if you think you can maintain your arrogant posture,
go ahead,
because only your nice sons/ daughter and your GREAT husband will stand by you.
oh yea, and maybe your beloved, excellence in everything grand-daughter will stay with you too~
for i dont give a damn..
and i am not going to apologise.
how much risk can i take?
how long have i tolerate?
i am 19 yo.
not the 12 yo kid u used to control.
since you can point out the mistake yourself
why cant you change yourself?!
since you know where are ur bad points
why dont you rectify them yourself?!
why must you even point out that you can spot your own problem and still argue that you are not wrong?!
is there such thing as 'fairness' in you?
i really don't understand.
but forget it,
i dont want to understand anyway.
i had enough,
wasting tears on a person who doesnt change.
to all my friends in school, especially nicolette and elisse and grace:
i know my attitude has been very bad recently.
i am very sorry.
that's why i chose to leave during break,
to break off the awkwardness,
to find time to reflect.
hanging on for so long,
i end up still shouting back.
i just wanted myself to be heard too.
but she refuse to listen.
and she and i ended up quarrelling.
if my emotionals will affect you all,
stay away from me.
for i wont and i can't blame anyone,
that it's my own fault for being unable to control myself.
i believe there is no point again,
ranting to all of you,
because even i find myself so irritating and a nuisance now.
like a weakling who only knows how to cry and throw temper.
i am sorry, sincerely.
to darling and him:
thanks for being there for me.
there is too much which i need to say, and i know i dont hv to blog it here.
and i need to say sorry too,
for my mood swing,
for my nonsense.
thank you for trying to cheer me up too.
i know i need you people's help.
but i chose to stand up on my own.
for this is a family problem,
which no one can help to resolve.
<3
Thursday, April 29, 2010
confused
swollen eyes
hurt shoulder
bruised knuckles
red face
dry nose
empty mind
loud voices
where are you?
<3
hurt shoulder
bruised knuckles
red face
dry nose
empty mind
loud voices
where are you?
<3
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
wishes
11:11am and 11:11pm.
i made my wishes:
for him to be happy forever.
<3
i made my wishes:
for him to be happy forever.
<3
Saturday, April 24, 2010
封锁
如果有一天
你来问我 “你有没有喜欢过我？”
我会回答 “我一直一直一直爱着你，也一直一直一直只爱着你。从来没有一刻会把你忘记。直到那一天，我终于选择了放弃。”
那一天，
我不会忘记，
是开学的第一天，
是2010年04月19日。
一年多的感觉，
就这样消失了。
可是这次，
因为你，
我选择了封锁对所有男生的感觉。
而这重要地决定，
让我哭了一整夜。
<3
你来问我 “你有没有喜欢过我？”
我会回答 “我一直一直一直爱着你，也一直一直一直只爱着你。从来没有一刻会把你忘记。直到那一天，我终于选择了放弃。”
那一天，
我不会忘记，
是开学的第一天，
是2010年04月19日。
一年多的感觉，
就这样消失了。
可是这次，
因为你，
我选择了封锁对所有男生的感觉。
而这重要地决定，
让我哭了一整夜。
<3
不爱，也是一种爱
(got this super fake smile on me =.=)
friday: monga with huiting and shiwei. lecture. jogging. ushering...
jealousy is not a good thing....
<3
Thursday, April 22, 2010
happy birthday eric
feeling pretty empty
cant find the reason behind it
looking for someone to talk to
but cant find that person
always missing in action
always uncontactable
lessons as normal
very tiring
very boring
the name i loved is never going to appear again
or at least not at this near moment
cos only frens family and studies are needed
striving hard
smiling hard
-----------------------------------------------------------
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIC!
<3
cant find the reason behind it
looking for someone to talk to
but cant find that person
always missing in action
always uncontactable
lessons as normal
very tiring
very boring
the name i loved is never going to appear again
or at least not at this near moment
cos only frens family and studies are needed
striving hard
smiling hard
-----------------------------------------------------------
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIC!
<3
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
brand new start
it is a new start.. for everyone of us, who are involved.
很渴望爱情，但始终不敢接受爱。。。
<3
很渴望爱情，但始终不敢接受爱。。。
<3
Saturday, April 17, 2010
and the reply...
wed: dinner with shiwei, jason, jingwen, nicholas and met felix.
thurs: HOC prep.
friday: HOC prep. met darling at northpoint at 5+. met sweetheart and her hubby at 6+. went to Vittles to eat dinner :D nice intro. thanks sweetheart. back to northpoint to arcade for a while b4 going home.
sat: met darling at 820. walked to school. bot soy milk. fetch kids at melrose. HOC. send darling off to bus stop. home. nap. shifting of fridge.
other than meeting darling and sweetheart and those people in sch, life is pretty much boring. school is starting next week and hope everyone is already mentally prepared.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
can you tell what emotions are mixed in that reply?
sadness, thankfulness .... and disappointment.
for i believed you did try your best.
<3
thurs: HOC prep.
friday: HOC prep. met darling at northpoint at 5+. met sweetheart and her hubby at 6+. went to Vittles to eat dinner :D nice intro. thanks sweetheart. back to northpoint to arcade for a while b4 going home.
sat: met darling at 820. walked to school. bot soy milk. fetch kids at melrose. HOC. send darling off to bus stop. home. nap. shifting of fridge.
other than meeting darling and sweetheart and those people in sch, life is pretty much boring. school is starting next week and hope everyone is already mentally prepared.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
can you tell what emotions are mixed in that reply?
sadness, thankfulness .... and disappointment.
for i believed you did try your best.
<3
Friday, April 16, 2010
blog no.1
life is meaningless without you, but you don't seems to have notice it...
<3
<3
Thursday, April 15, 2010
kiwi
<3
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
tears
已渐渐地放，
但有时眼泪还是不知觉地流下。
只是太痛吧，
有时自己也搞不清楚状况。。。
太傻不明白，
是人人都会有的时刻不是吗？
of course,the pain is not going off that easily. the only way, is to accept it or forget it. but who can actually totally forget something when there is a scar there even after recovery? impossible and meaningless try? may not. at least i tried. and am still trying. like some dumb idiot, falling for a guy who sucks. but i could see the shadow of you at almost every angle, every area, every corner. if you can, give me a conclusion. i am not asking for a one to one, face to face talk.
<3, tears are words from the heart that cant be spoken.
但有时眼泪还是不知觉地流下。
只是太痛吧，
有时自己也搞不清楚状况。。。
太傻不明白，
是人人都会有的时刻不是吗？
of course,the pain is not going off that easily. the only way, is to accept it or forget it. but who can actually totally forget something when there is a scar there even after recovery? impossible and meaningless try? may not. at least i tried. and am still trying. like some dumb idiot, falling for a guy who sucks. but i could see the shadow of you at almost every angle, every area, every corner. if you can, give me a conclusion. i am not asking for a one to one, face to face talk.
<3, tears are words from the heart that cant be spoken.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
bye 'hellobaby',BCP,ComGI.. hi PGI.
The Name I Loved
no more hello baby.. bye SHINee appas, bye yoogeun...
Thoughts
asking for no returns.. people with different backgrounds, opinions, thinking, expressing methods, actions, thoughts... ended up, what everyone thinks tends to get different. at first i thought: if i can think of such thing, why cant u? but now i realise, it is impossible. some things which i wished for, some things which i planned for, it wont always come true, due to the fact that people ard me cant compromise all the time. maybe i spent too much time at home alone, i dont know whether i am over responding, over sensetive or are other people just too busy to even quiet down and start thinking.. kinships and friendships are so fragile. something which i always wanna go near to save it, but always end up backing out due to fear and phobia. so much think about, so little to type. i cant express myself well...
Days spent
6th april 2010: due to the late slping the previous night (actually super early la. i slept at ard 515am), i only managed to woke up 830? cos by right is to meet darling at 930 in school for HOC. end up darling say 10 den meet. so i slowly slowly bathe and eat breakfast before going to fetch her.. both of us was so so so so so slpy.. reached school. went to makan place with darling to try to get empty cans, end up only got like.. 3?! LOL. but i asked from a... lecturer bax. hahas. cute guy. anyway, after that, we decided to proceed to ntuc finest to buy alumium foil and plastic wraps first cos there was nth we can do. and so off i drove, with joan beside me, zhipeng and lihui behind me... darling and i actually went ard asking for empty cans. end up, we managed to get at least 100 back. HAHAHAHA. went back to sch.. spilt into guy and girls to wash those cans.. they seriously stinks when u combine all kind of drinks. dammit. at the very last batch, darling and i saw cockroaches. and out we chiong. LOL. end up zhipeng went in to get those left over clean cans out for us while we guarded the door. we washed very long.. lirong came in to help. and so did lihui (hmmm, wad did she do? i cant rmb. lol) anyway, after that, we were trying to brainstorm until james and some other ppl actually came.. so i decided to leave.. gotta go suntec to get my textbooks, so drove zhipeng there too. ate mac for lunch with darling and home we came! spray paint mum's fan, dirtied the floor, lie on bro's bed and started chatting... usual topics: guys (especially that few people), our own feelings and discussed on what we should actually do. send her to the bus stop and sat there arrange some thoughts after she board her bus... realising, actually i am very scare...
7th april: CHIONG ComGI!!! omg. i didnt even slp properly these few nights, getting short sleeps every now and then thoughout night..
8th april: left hse at 745am. headed towards suntec ... coffee with aunt patsy and off i go to do my revision. BCP isnt that bad.. went back down for a cup of milo. couldnt swallow any food.. went back up to the study room to read up the last chapter for ComGI and try the mock test.. and yes, i failed... the mock paper. lol. freaked me out.. but end up still passed the exam la.. lynn fell sick, end up lunch plan all changed.. was strolling ard alone... from suntec to marina square to parco @ mil walk.. quite cool.. gonna go for the ice cream one day. $3.50 per scoop. $4.80 for 2, $5.20 for 3? bad memory, couldnt rmb well.. the flavours look good tho. haha. but my calpis drink! wahahaha. finally, walked ard yamakawa twice, thinking what to buy. got caramel corn for darling and seaweed for myself. up down up down. twice. cos i forgot need to buy caramel corn. headed back home happily after that. thank you so much that my hardwork didnt went to the drain, i was so super stress. thank you darling for helping me with my mock test papers and thank you shiwei and sweetheart and dennis for ur wishes b4 the paper. glad i didnt disappoint u all. :D
need to chiong PGI soon...
sat: mentoring/ dad's boss's wife's and son's birthday bbq
sun: meeting with freya!!!/ grandpa's birthday dinner gathering.
mon: PGI test.
i want my JAP lunch!!! :D
<3,some things ain't meant to be said out loud.
no more hello baby.. bye SHINee appas, bye yoogeun...
Thoughts
asking for no returns.. people with different backgrounds, opinions, thinking, expressing methods, actions, thoughts... ended up, what everyone thinks tends to get different. at first i thought: if i can think of such thing, why cant u? but now i realise, it is impossible. some things which i wished for, some things which i planned for, it wont always come true, due to the fact that people ard me cant compromise all the time. maybe i spent too much time at home alone, i dont know whether i am over responding, over sensetive or are other people just too busy to even quiet down and start thinking.. kinships and friendships are so fragile. something which i always wanna go near to save it, but always end up backing out due to fear and phobia. so much think about, so little to type. i cant express myself well...
Days spent
6th april 2010: due to the late slping the previous night (actually super early la. i slept at ard 515am), i only managed to woke up 830? cos by right is to meet darling at 930 in school for HOC. end up darling say 10 den meet. so i slowly slowly bathe and eat breakfast before going to fetch her.. both of us was so so so so so slpy.. reached school. went to makan place with darling to try to get empty cans, end up only got like.. 3?! LOL. but i asked from a... lecturer bax. hahas. cute guy. anyway, after that, we decided to proceed to ntuc finest to buy alumium foil and plastic wraps first cos there was nth we can do. and so off i drove, with joan beside me, zhipeng and lihui behind me... darling and i actually went ard asking for empty cans. end up, we managed to get at least 100 back. HAHAHAHA. went back to sch.. spilt into guy and girls to wash those cans.. they seriously stinks when u combine all kind of drinks. dammit. at the very last batch, darling and i saw cockroaches. and out we chiong. LOL. end up zhipeng went in to get those left over clean cans out for us while we guarded the door. we washed very long.. lirong came in to help. and so did lihui (hmmm, wad did she do? i cant rmb. lol) anyway, after that, we were trying to brainstorm until james and some other ppl actually came.. so i decided to leave.. gotta go suntec to get my textbooks, so drove zhipeng there too. ate mac for lunch with darling and home we came! spray paint mum's fan, dirtied the floor, lie on bro's bed and started chatting... usual topics: guys (especially that few people), our own feelings and discussed on what we should actually do. send her to the bus stop and sat there arrange some thoughts after she board her bus... realising, actually i am very scare...
7th april: CHIONG ComGI!!! omg. i didnt even slp properly these few nights, getting short sleeps every now and then thoughout night..
8th april: left hse at 745am. headed towards suntec ... coffee with aunt patsy and off i go to do my revision. BCP isnt that bad.. went back down for a cup of milo. couldnt swallow any food.. went back up to the study room to read up the last chapter for ComGI and try the mock test.. and yes, i failed... the mock paper. lol. freaked me out.. but end up still passed the exam la.. lynn fell sick, end up lunch plan all changed.. was strolling ard alone... from suntec to marina square to parco @ mil walk.. quite cool.. gonna go for the ice cream one day. $3.50 per scoop. $4.80 for 2, $5.20 for 3? bad memory, couldnt rmb well.. the flavours look good tho. haha. but my calpis drink! wahahaha. finally, walked ard yamakawa twice, thinking what to buy. got caramel corn for darling and seaweed for myself. up down up down. twice. cos i forgot need to buy caramel corn. headed back home happily after that. thank you so much that my hardwork didnt went to the drain, i was so super stress. thank you darling for helping me with my mock test papers and thank you shiwei and sweetheart and dennis for ur wishes b4 the paper. glad i didnt disappoint u all. :D
need to chiong PGI soon...
sat: mentoring/ dad's boss's wife's and son's birthday bbq
sun: meeting with freya!!!/ grandpa's birthday dinner gathering.
mon: PGI test.
i want my JAP lunch!!! :D
<3,some things ain't meant to be said out loud.
stress
under super huge stress...
sigh...
<3,hope things will turn out fine...
sigh...
<3,hope things will turn out fine...
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
"brave" me (:
the fear...
of disappointment
of failing
of being make use of
of being forced
of falling
of being alone
of ur rejection...
<3,hates the timid me
of disappointment
of failing
of being make use of
of being forced
of falling
of being alone
of ur rejection...
<3,hates the timid me
Monday, April 5, 2010
disappointment...
it is gone... but thank you for trying...
=(
<3,but it is still fine i guess?
=(
<3,but it is still fine i guess?
Saturday, April 3, 2010
smile~
super adiction!!!!
SHINee!!!
and of cos!! CHOI MINHO!
super charming!
super cute!!
SHINee!!!
and of cos!! CHOI MINHO!
super charming!
super cute!!
(this kid is yoogeun from 'hellobaby')
woo hoo! this is my 2nd craze after LZX! LOL. hello baby and bfb and kang xi are my 3 fav things during the holiday! oh oh! Let's Go Dream Team is nice toooooo ... :D
chiong ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
and yes! my wish came true.. :D thanks to 1:11 .. tho i keep thinking 11:11 will be more powerful. LOL. thank you so so so so much.
<3